Visitors, by nature foreigners, are advised to adopt local customs when traveling. The saying “Do as the Romans do when in Rome” illustrates the importance of adapting to the social norms of the place you are visiting. This might encourage you to adopt all the rules of politeness, good manners and savoir-vivre in India during your stay on the mainland.
For my part, I advocate a compromise between respect for the country and the people who welcome you, and authenticity of your own person. Indeed, under the pretext of being polite and courteous, you run the risk of mimicking insincere gestures. A facade of affability is disrespectful to your interlocutors. In the heart of a people as tolerant as the Indians, you won’t have to justify that you’re a Westerner: in most cases, it shows on your face!
From then on, Indians don’t expect you to behave like a native who has mastered the subtleties of Indian habits and customs. The charm or folklore of the tourist lies precisely in his or her different ways of behaving in social relationships. Just think how amused you’ll be at all those Asians taking photos of the Eiffel Tower, and how annoyed you’ll be at all those savages “taking” an unapproved souvenir.
The ultimate guide to politeness, good manners and savoir-vivre in India
This article explains the basic rules of politeness for respecting the customs of Indian civilization. Think of this guide to good manners as reflecting the standard behavior of a well-educated Indian. But not all Indians are well-bred! In fact, the formulas of politeness can conceal an abysmal lack of manners, in their case as in ours.
Indeed, as in the West, social codes change according to the environment in which we live. Just as it may seem obvious to you that a teenager from an underprivileged neighborhood behaves differently from a senior citizen from an affluent one, you can expect to encounter a wide range of out-of-character behavior in India.
Incivilities also exist in India, but you might as well not be the perpetrators! In all circumstances, remember that, Indians or not, you’re interacting with human beings. From this point of view, even if their culture and beliefs differ from yours, you’re bound to have something in common, as certain values are universal. When in doubt, ask yourself about your emotions and potential reactions to a similar situation. When you’re not sure about habits and customs, the least you can do is be respectful and courteous.
Rules of politeness, good manners and etiquette in public places in India
The first place you set foot on your arrival in India is a public place: the airport lobby. After that, you’ll head straight for the streets of an Indian city – in other words, into the heart of the Indian population. In this way, you’ll plunge straight into the etiquette of Indian society. It’s a good idea to prepare yourself in advance for the customary formulas, rules of politeness, good manners and savoir-vivre in India, which will enable you to live together cordially during your tourist itinerary.
Dress code in India
Clothing is the first expression of your social, cultural and personal identity. That’s why dressing up as a fake Indian is more a matter of disguise than politeness and propriety. Nevertheless, when you’re in India, you’ll easily find a compromise between your Western wardrobe and local etiquette. For more details on the basic rules to follow, please read my previous article on the subject: “What to pack for India”.
Your outfit includes accessories: shoes and veil. Indians don’t consider these details to be important, so don’t neglect them if you want to leave a good impression. When in doubt, do as the others do and follow your guide’s instructions on politeness, good manners and etiquette in India.
My little bonus tip: before you leave, give your feet a makeover and check the condition of your socks. You’ll never expose them as much as you do in India! So avoid the humiliation of poor presentation.
Tobacco, alcohol and other substances
The possession and consumption of tobacco, including E-cigarettes, alcohol and drugs are strictly forbidden in public places in India, even for tourists. So don’t bring any in your luggage, or you risk a bad start to your stay in India at customs. Here, we’re talking about a set of legislative rules that go far beyond Indian traditions, but are in line with the art-de-vivre established by the authorities. Don’t pretend you don’t know what you’re doing, here too “no one is supposed to be ignorant”.
Don’t pretend you don’t know what’s going on, there too “no one is supposed to ignore the law”!
On the other hand, you may be surprised to see cigarettes sold “in bulk”, each or in very small packets. The subject of smoking and its regulation in India goes far beyond the scope of this article on politeness, good manners and savoir-vivre in India.
The golden rule in India
The key words when it comes to rules of politeness, good manners and savoir-vivre in India are discretion and modesty. This is where all conventional behavior comes into its own, so that you can blend in with the crowd without being noticed. Act and express yourself with tact, always, everywhere.
Be patient, an absolute necessity in India
India is the country that invented the cool attitude, so during your stay in India, keep your cool. There’s no need to get worked up, because you won’t get anywhere by doing so. So you might as well stay calm! In India, you have to learn to be patient. First of all, time is an abstract notion, more indicative than absolute. Nothing is an excuse for lateness. In fact, the rules of politeness, good manners and savoir-vivre in India do not include punctuality, the politeness of kings in Europe. In any case, since you’re on vacation, make the most of the opportunity to take your time. Above all, don’t make a fuss about waiting here and there. Traffic in India is very dense and chaotic.
Despite this, traffic regulations are often optional. So it’s customary to signal your presence with frantic honking. Don’t take this as a sign of impatience or aggression. Faced with this din, keep calm in return and concentrate on your route to arrive safely at your destination. In this context, every journey is a challenge, stressful for the tourist, whether pedestrian or vehicular. Now that you’ve been warned, you’ll be able to take a step back.
Crowded
Similarly, in India, crowds are everywhere all the time. As a result, waiting times are desperately long. What’s more, our beloved “individual living space”, which imposes a courteous distance between people, simply doesn’t exist among the rules of politeness, good manners and savoir-vivre in India. Consequently, when you’re stuck in a queue, I recommend that you stick to your neighbor, who won’t mind. That way, you’ll avoid losing your place. As for you, beware of pickpockets, but don’t get angry if someone squeezes you without thinking twice.
Modesty of feelings
Indian life is all about devotion, under religious control. That’s why absolute modesty is a must. As we saw earlier, modesty of the body is expressed in the choice of clothing. But modesty of feelings is also very formal. In other words, be discreet in your affectionate gestures.
For a start, in India, a simple “kiss” is already considered sexual. In fact, during your stay in India, don’t greet anyone with a friendly peck on the cheek! Only the French practice this custom of kissing all over the place. Other countries, even Western ones, tend to greet by shaking hands. Which is still too much for an Indian!
Imagine the exhibitionist connotations of a kiss between lovers, a hug in public or a hand-in-hand stroll between people of the opposite sex. Only young Indians in large urban centers allow themselves such a departure from the rules of politeness, good manners and savoir-vivre in India.
In the same way, use restraint when taking souvenir photos. It’s common courtesy to ask permission before taking photos of Indians. In fact, it’s likely that they’ll gladly accept. However, respect their right to their image, as scrupulously as you would at home.
India ignores courtesy
Encountering another culture is about much more than art, religion, gastronomy etc. From the moment you start socializing with natives, you’ll also observe the nuances of the wider culture, in everyday gestures. In this respect, Western courtly manners, acquired over centuries by society and as individuals grow up, have no place in the rules of politeness, good manners and savoir-vivre in India. What constitutes the minimum of courtesy in France is an offense in India.
In other words, an Indian woman interprets as an insult the gallantry of a man who helps her without a thought of harm. So much so, in fact, that she carries her packages or luggage alone, even if they’re too heavy. What’s more, even when pregnant, she’ll stand on the bus or train if all the seats are taken. If you give up your seat, be prepared to be a nuisance.
In any case, men don’t address women, especially in a friendly way. That said, it goes without saying that female tourists should not expect any help from an Indian man. Courtesy and respect do not go hand in hand in India. Believe me, you’ll appreciate the little civility bonuses back home all the more. In fact, in Europe, the older generation often castigates the younger, claiming that “good manners are lost”. After a visit to India, you’ll realize just how much room there is for improvement.
The hidden face of feet
In a country as dirty as India, it’s a good idea to watch where you put your feet. This is already the case in the West. On the other hand, you don’t usually worry about what your feet mean to others. On the other hand, during your trip to India, your feet will be at the center of the rules of politeness, good manners and savoir-vivre. Given that Indians consider feet to be impure, and understandably so in such dusty streets, even eye contact with the soles of the feet is extremely impolite.
Of course, you’re familiar with the ritual of taking your shoes off inside Hindu temples and homes. However, taking off your shoes is not enough to respect the rules of etiquette. Besides, don’t show your soles, i.e. the dirtiest part of your feet. The most significant examples are sitting on your knees, crouching or cross-legged, with your feet under your body. Never, ever extend your legs out in front of you, presenting your arches for all to see. This “polluting” gesture is a serious lack of politeness. If you have to step over someone – a beggar in the street or a sleeping passenger on the train – so much the worse for discretion: without scruples, wake them up with kindness, speak to them politely and ask them to step aside. In this way, you’ll avoid making that person feel scorned and attacked.
While we’re on the subject, let me remind you that Indian deities are considered real people, and their representation is accorded all the respect
due to them. Once again, don’t stretch your feet out towards an engraving or touch a sculpture with your feet. It would be unforgivable.
Forget your left hand
Feet aren’t the only impure extremities in India. Start planning your trip to India now, by practicing not using your left hand in everyday gestures. Don’t forget that Indian tradition reserves the left hand for impure gestures, such as personal hygiene. So much so, in fact, that the Indian Rules of Politeness, Good Manners and Good Manners forbid the use of the left hand in everyday gestures.
In fact, Indian left-handed people have been taught not to use their left hand since their earliest childhood. In other words, their parents force them to use their right hand, whatever the effort. If this habit shocks you, remember that it was still rife in France until the 2nd World War. Assuming you’re an unrestrained left-handed person in the West, be all the more careful in India. Under no circumstances should you use your left hand at the table or to give/receive anything, be it a gift to the family, an offering at the temple or an obolus in the street. For this last point, let me remind you of the recommendations for “helping the poor in India”.
Indian-style greetings
Whatever the country or culture, the first contact with a person begins with a greeting before introducing oneself. As the saying goes, “you never get a second chance to make a good first impression”, it’s vital to learn good manners when it comes to greetings in India, a country where even the most trivial everyday gestures are considered protocol by us Westerners.
Indian mark of respect
As your mother has often told you, the rules of politeness, good manners and good manners, in India as elsewhere, involve the use of “little magic words”. Please, thank you, hello and good-bye are the very least that you can do to show respect to strangers and people you wish to show respect to. Instead of this conjugation formulation, Indians add a suffix “- Ji” as a sign of respect at the end of the person’s name or function. Expect to hear them greet you with “Namasté madamji”, or in abbreviated form “Namasté Ji”.
The most extreme mark of respect included in the rules of politeness, good manners and savoir-vivre in India, is to touch the feet of the person being greeted. For example, children touch the feet of their parents or grandparents to say hello. But don’t worry: Indians don’t reach for the feet of their parents or grandparents.
With this in mind, there’s no need to make a fool of yourself, or worse, feel humiliated, by imitating an unfamiliar gesture, at the risk of it not being appropriate with the recipient either.
Kisses, handshakes or namaskar?
As we’ve already said, in India, the simplest peck is perceived as sexual rather than affectionate. From this point of view, it’s imperative to avoid it with any Indian, known or unknown. The vigorous handshake also ranks among the gestures considered impolite and to be avoided. However, if an Indian takes the initiative of extending his hand to you, you should respond delicately, without shaking his arm or crushing his fingers.
However, greetings represent the absolute minimum of politeness, good manners and savoir-vivre in India. It’s impossible to ignore them. So there’s no escaping the traditional Indian greeting, namaskar: join your 2 hands palm-to-palm and raise them to your chin, tilting your head or torso slightly. “Namaste” (hello) is the magic word that accompanies this ceremony.
No physical contact in India
In short, the rules of politeness, good manners and etiquette in India forbid touching on the cheeks, lips, hands and feet. Well, that’s not all! Also remember not to point your finger at anyone. You wouldn’t want to bring bad luck on them, would you? How uncivilized that would be!
What to talk about with Indians?
Meeting and greeting Indians marks the beginning of a promising relationship. All that remains is to keep the conversation interesting for everyone by responding politely and respectfully.
Conventional conversation in India
If you’re a frequent traveler, you’ll know that each country has its own standard topic of conversation, so you can talk to strangers without making any mistakes. For example, in France, cooking is an all-purpose topic, while in the UK, the weather fills in the gaps without contradicting anyone. The same applies to the rules of politeness, good manners and savoir-vivre in India.
Taboo subjects in India
- The caste system
- Indian religion
- Relations between Hindus and Muslims
- Politics, including Pakistan
- Women’s rights
- Poverty in the Indian world
- Sexuality
Informal discussions in India
- Cricket, the national sport
- Indian cuisine, including the many spices
- Cinema and Bollywood films
- The family, even far away
Common personal questions in India
Apart from your salary and your home address, there are two subjects on which, without lying and inventing anything, you may have to skew the truth so as not to shock your interlocutors. Indeed, family and religion are the two pillars of Indian culture. It would be unthinkable not to follow these rules of politeness, good manners and savoir-vivre in India.
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Marriage
Arranged marriages are still the rule in India. Indians don’t think it’s right not to be married. If you’re not, there’s no point in telling them the unvarnished truth, which they won’t understand, and you’ll be classed as an unfriendly person. On this subject, I suggest you play with words by recounting the ceremony of your former marriage if you’re divorced, without specifying this point. Otherwise, make them dream by talking about your future wedding “in the planning stage”, without specifying a deadline.
As for singles, you still have the option of describing the ideal person you’d like to meet.
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Religion
Here too, you’ll be walking on eggshells, but laid on a velvet carpet as a sign of politeness. Considering that Indians know no more about Western religion than we do about Eastern religions, the only thing that matters to them is that you’re a believer. It doesn’t matter what. If your beliefs don’t include a religion, refer to those of your parents or grandparents. At best, memories of a ceremony you attended will be enough to get you out of a tight spot without being rude. At worst, use your knowledge of art and history to describe a religious monument. Finally, divert attention by talking about the dramatic fire at Notre Dame de Paris, and its restoration.
>In any case, remember that the rules of politeness, good manners and savoir-vivre in India require you to be married (or almost) and religious (or almost).
Don’t give a colonialist lesson
As a tourist, you’re here to visit – in other words, to observe – India and its culture. It’s common courtesy to leave it at that. Under no circumstances is your role to change anything about their way of life. You won’t appreciate a foreigner criticizing your culture and your country. For this reason, refrain from making any comment, even a kind one, when you witness a scene that shocks you: the garbage everywhere, the risks taken in traffic, the unabashed delays, etc. It’s no use criticizing or lecturing them. You’ll make them angry without improving anything. So you might as well follow the rules of politeness, good manners and savoir-vivre in India, and say nothing unpleasant or impolite.
A communication style specific to India
Knowing what to talk about is a good start, but knowing how to say it according to the rules and customs is even better. So much so, that form is just as, if not more, important than substance when it comes to respecting the rules of politeness, good manners and savoir-vivre in India.
Neither yes nor no
An Indian never answers with a clear yes or no. At least nothing is definitive. At least nothing is definitive or a source of immediate conflict. Based on this principle, you need to learn how to decipher his or her response:
- Head bobbing for a positive response
When your correspondent shakes his or her head from right to left, smiling, he or she is signifying agreement, approval or even pleasure. Don’t be disturbed by this opposite congruence to Western conventions, where this same gesture means no. This is just one more example of the impact of culture and acquired knowledge on the rules of politeness, good manners and savoir-vivre in India.
- The mouth argues for a negative response
If your correspondent launches into a lengthy justification of the detailed reasons why he cannot accept your request, it’s because his answer is no. Except that he doesn’t express it as such. Except he won’t say it outright. Indians are accustomed to using periphrases to remain polite and courteous.
Negotiation, an Indian habit
The advantage of a well-argued refusal is that it opens the door to negotiation. India’s first national sport, before cricket! At this point, it would be contrary to the rules of politeness, good manners and etiquette in India not to agree to enter into negotiations.
On the grounds that it would imply that the article or subject wasn’t worthwhile. Negotiating a rate is either a science or an art, depending on how you look at it. Here are a few simple principles to follow to ensure that the exercise is pleasant and profitable for both parties:
- Always keep smiling: it’s a game, even a comedy!
- Establish a climate of trust by agreeing to get to know each other better, for example by answering personal questions.
- Don’t say no abruptly. Instead, let your body speak for you (no finger, grimace…)
- Propose a solution or a price you think is fair
- In turn, you will accept a little effort until you find a compromise that suits everyone.
Invitation in a family
If you’re invited to stay with an Indian family, you’re in for an experience of a lifetime. This dossier, in the form of a guide to good manners, will save you the trouble of behaving like an exemplary guest, full of respect for customs.
In India, hospitality is taken to the extreme. The fundamental principle is “atithi devo bhava”, meaning “the guest is god”, in application of the rules of politeness, good manners and savoir-vivre in India. In this spirit, you will be welcomed as a god, a word that carries great meaning in India.
In return, your hosts expect you to behave like a god towards others. Don’t disappoint them!
Here, you’ll have to forget all your Western upbringing and be as polite as those who live in India.
- Arrive slightly late, by about 15 to 30 minutes, on time
- Bring a small courtesy gift like a generous god
- Wait for your hosts to open the door in front of you
- Let them carry your luggage
- Take off your shoes as soon as you reach the doorstep
- Ostensibly greet everyone present
- Drink the chai, a tea made with milk and spices, or eat the welcome chapati
- Accept that they pay for the meal or invite you to share theirs
- Eat enough to flatter the cook who gave the best
- Compliment the cook with a laconic “very good meal”, without saying thank you
Exchange of gifts
Your mother would be offended by the few magic words exchanged during your vacation, despite the great respect for the rules of politeness, good manners and savoir-vivre in India. No “please”, no “thank you”. You might as well know this and accept it as just another cultural difference.
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You’re giving a gift:
It’s polite to bring your hosts a courtesy gift. Something from your home country that they won’t find there is absolutely perfect. If you hadn’t planned anything, some sweets will make up for it. As far as flowers are concerned, check with the florist what is appropriate, as the symbolism, which is very strong, changes from one Indian region to another. No alcohol or leather goods, both of which would be incongruous in a sober, vegetarian family. For children, a toy or a book is ideal. The family’s reaction may surprise you. They’ll take the gift, but they won’t say thank you or open it in front of you. That’s just the modesty enshrined in the rules of politeness, good manners and savoir-vivre in India.
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You’ll receive a gift
You’ll also receive a gift, as an offering to the “god” that you are, to thank you for your visit. Indian families always have a stock of pre-prepared gifts for these formal exchanges. Given the difference in standards of living, you may feel a little embarrassed to be spoiled in this way. Especially as the gifts may seem generous and disproportionate: saris, jewelry, crockery, fabrics, clothes… However, it’s important to accept, so as not to humiliate your hosts. Take the gift, without opening it or thanking them.
Details for family meals
Indian furniture is reduced to the strict minimum, according to their own criteria. Interiors are extremely sober, with no tables, chairs or decorations. In other words, family life takes place on the floor. Meetings, manual activities (even sewing!), administrative work, sleeping and, of course, eating. Meals are eaten sitting cross-legged on a special rug. Once again, you’ll need to behave like a God who respects the rules of politeness, good manners and savoir-vivre in India. Here’s how to behave at table according to Indian custom:
- Don’t offer to help prepare or clear the table. The housewife would take offence, interpreting this as a lack of confidence in her skills.
- Accept to be served and to eat first, or with the men of the house. Don’t wait for the women and the lady of the house to eat, as they will wait until you’ve finished your meal to start theirs!
- Eat with your right hand only and without cutlery or napkins. When you put it like that, it sounds simple. But the technique requires a little practice to avoid getting food all over the place: form a tight ball with the food using only 2 or 3 fingers (thumb, index and middle fingers) before bringing it to your mouth. The bread replaces the fork, i.e. you use a small piece of bread like a pair of tongs to catch the food, especially those in sauce.
- Taste all the dishes, even the spiciest ones, to do the cook honor
- Compliment her, not on her personal talents, which would embarrass her, but on the flavors of her dishes and the culinary wonders she uncover for you.
- At the end of the meal, wash your hands and mouth at the faucet provided.
Organizing a social event in India
Depending on the circumstances of your stay in India, you may want or need to organize a social event with local guests. Here again, the rules of politeness, good manners and savoir-vivre in India come into play.
- Send a written invitation as soon as possibleContact each guest individually by telephone a few days after sending the first invitation
- Plan for your guests’ conventional lateness
- Be prepared to welcome surprise guests brought by your main guests. In this way, they demonstrate their friendship with you. This behavior illustrates the social networking principle of “my friends’ friends are my friends”.
Sightseeing in India
To conclude this section on the rules of politeness, good manners and good manners in India, I’d like to remind you of a few common-sense recommendations, particularly when it comes to visiting sacred places, such as Hindu temples or mosques:
- Go barefoot, which means taking off your shoes and socks
- Wash your hands, the famous “ablutions”
- Greet the guide and any clerics you meet
- Don’t wear anything made of leather, clothing or accessories such as bags or belts
- Don’t lean on the walls
Would you like to try the experience of sleeping with an Indian family and live like a local? We suggest you stay with a local family during your stay in India.
